A Good Prayer, a Grateful Heart

When I was a child my mother and my grandma didn’t get along. I prayed for a mother in

law I could get along with. (Hint: something to add to your prayer list gals.) I’ve been so blessed to know this adventurous, kind, insightful woman I have called mom for 23 years.

Last night I heard the girls giggling playing cards with her. One of them busted out of the room saying she is sooooooo fun!! I find them often crowded on the bed while she’s resting in a chair suitable for relaxing old bones, sharing stories, reliving memories.

This trip I am digesting a new part of our relationship that comes unexpected. In divorce care courses and books they affirm that the grief and loss is felt so deeply like a death. Those words only validated my own words and reflected the depth of my feelings. Yet there are no last good byes, no I love yous, no last kiss. There’s no funeral (although I’ve often thought how therapeutic it would be to hold one after I hold that final document…the one I didn’t ask for…) People aren’t sure what to say. Normally there’s no one to chat about the past in light of the present. Not everyone in my life currently knows anything about my life in the past. Everything in the past comes into question in the light of betrayal and yet there are slivers of good …maybe just a few… for some of us that can’t be trumped by the current trauma. My MIL is one of the few people who can feel with me, grieve with me and also unpack and reminisce on what was good.

Today she told me how beautiful the children were. I reminded her that this was her legacy. No matter what is happening now, their beginnings were not just from me.

She’s such a beautiful person. I’ve been blessed to call her mom for 23 years. I’m extra blessed she still calls me daughter. I’m privileged to serve her coffee in this cup.