Brokenness
Brokenness is something we all tend to resist. I kind of liken it to bracing yourself against the walls of a pit, hands and feet pressing against each side while trying not to slide down. No one likes to hit the bottom. It hurts. It can feel very lonely. It may look like the way back out is impossible. But there is pressure from the top and limbs get tired of trying to hold yourself up after so long. And so you slide in spite of your efforts. Because your efforts just.aren't.good.enough. You probably get a little scraped and banged up along the way.
Once you hit the bottom the only way you can go is up. As a seasoned warrior I know that there is a freedom that comes with brokenness even if the circumstances "shouldn't be this way". At the bottom
of the pit is where you find grace and with grace burdens are lifted and freedom is felt. It is a paradox. It is true.
Nearly a week ago I found myself again confronted with processing the difficulty of broken covenant relationship. People say that marriage is like a picture of God's love for us as His bride. If you’ve ever studied Hebraic betrothal & weddings on any level it’s absolutely beautiful when you start to grasp the allegorical beauty of it.
On the flip side the shattering of vows can make you question covenant all together. If it’s not supposed to be
this way then why is it? Why did God choose to make imperfect humans & flawed covenants a reflection of covenant with Him? It's such a poor ambassador of Him knowing that we epically fail to represent Him. All of us. It turns out He is nothing like the failures and weaknesses of people. At least that’s all I have left to hope in. The truth of His character and His Word.
And a teeny tiny reflective portion of an answer came to me this week. If human relationships were
perfect we would never long for more of Him. We would never seek to fill our inner needs with Him... We would never find the fullness we were meant to have.
This doesn’t mean a marriage has to be broken to find that path. I don’t agree with that at all. But each of us do have to experience brokeness for the grace to seep into all of the cracks. It’s in the brokenness where we are comforted (He’s close to the broken hearted…) & every marriage has challenges. Some survive. Some do not.
Marriage is a 3 cord bond that isn’t easily broken. But the truth is that it has been being broken since the beginning of time for one reason or another. It’s hard to sort thru the pieces that are left shattered and scattered. You can pretend they don’t exist or you can begin the process of picking up the parts that are you, finding them randomly in the mess and offering them to the only One who can do anything with such mangled bits that aren’t even whole anymore. And I find myself in lonely moments comforted in my grief that there are two of us standing still and grieving together. Myself & the One who promises to never leave. Never forsake. To make all things work together for the good. He’s grieving too.
My prayer is that whatever level of brokenness you experience that you find comfort. You are able to give all the shattered mangled parts to the One who keeps covenant and who can turn mourning into dancing, pain into purpose. Don't hurry it along. Stay and sit with Him, let Him be a balm. The next ordered step will come when it is time for the next ordered step.